Peter shook his head frantically, tears streaming uncontrollably from his bloodshot eyes.
It's not like that.
It's not like that at all.
There were no beautiful assumptions, no possibility of a lucky break.
That kind of pain—knowing the truth yet being unable to speak of it—plunged Peter into an even deeper and more agonizing breakdown.
Why did Finn and Catherine both say before—"it will be fine once this period passes"?
Peter finally understood that the days they spoke of enduring were the anniversary of a death.
It was precisely because that day two years ago was drawing closer that Finn was so much in pain and agony during that time.
What's even more cruel is that, even though Finn was called Sleepless Summer, he died in the coldest winter in New York.
—Why is it "Sleepless Summer"?
Because since he was eight years old, Finn no longer needed to sleep.
There were only endless missions, only endless wandering and loneliness.
Only now did Peter realize just how ridiculous he was.
He had always thought he was the one person in this world who truly understood Finn, but he didn't understand at all. He failed to see what Finn was running away from, failed to see clearly what was constantly chasing his shadow, failed to read the unknown emptiness and fear hidden behind his mental illness. Most of all, he failed to realize the kind of agony Finn endured in his heart when he hesitated whether to stay in this world—an agony enough to drive him mad. He was bearing it all alone, desperately trying to heal himself.
To Finn, this world itself was the greatest shadow.
[Even if you change your identity, your appearance, or your voice..]
As long as you appear before my eyes, I can still recognize you.
Peter thought of the words he had once spoken to Finn with such certainty, how ironic they seemed in hindsight.
—He clearly didn't recognize him.
That's right, even Finn said "I don't believe it" back then, because.. he really didn't recognize him.
Over and over again, Peter frantically questioned himself in his heart:
Why didn't I recognize him?
Why didn't I save him?
I clearly had the ability, I clearly could have done it..
Broken self-reproach, mixed with cries of despair and helplessness—what does it matter if he is Spider-Man?
He had no way to save the tragedy right before his eyes that he clearly could have prevented two years ago.
Don't tell Finn, don't let him know.." Peter reached out and gripped Elias's wrist tightly, his voice trembling so much it was almost inaudible. He absolutely did not want Elias to tell Finn that he was actually breaking down like this, he could even more so not let Finn see him in such an uncontrolled emotional state, "He'll be sad.
Peter couldn't explain the reason, let alone have the courage to uncover the tragedy from two years ago to confirm that bloody past with Finn.
He didn't need any comfort from Finn at all; he only needed Finn to continue being happy, to be happy forever.
—Don't let me become the person who causes him even more pain.
Only when Elias nodded did Peter slowly let go.
And at this moment, the only thing he could grasp in his mind, a tiny sliver of luck, was—
That's great.
That's truly wonderful..
At least for now, Finn can no longer hear the sound of the Misery Value rising.
Chapter 99 SOS Signal
Peter couldn't face Finn.
The name Felix, along with that tragedy he had personally missed, became an inescapable, heavy shadow pressing down on Peter's heart.
He found it difficult to fall asleep.
In his nightmares, he would see a boy covered in blood, curled up in a dark corner that felt seemingly endless, as fragile as a small piece of cracked glass.
The boy slowly raised his head, his eyes hollow and devoid of any light, carrying a calm deadness, asked him softly:
Aren't you a hero?
Why.. won't you save me?
—How could he not want to?
—How could he not want to save the person he loves most?
Peter would run toward that boy desperately, but no matter how hard he ran, the distance felt as vast as if separated by time and space, forever out of reach. Immediately following that were several gunshots; in the moment Peter turned in terror, he saw only three small figures falling simultaneously into pools of blood, the blood spreading and staining his entire field of vision red.
Afterward, Peter would wake up from this nightmare drenched in cold sweat, his heart racing uncontrollably, his chest aching with a stifling pain that felt almost suffocating.
The massive sense of guilt weighed on him so heavily that even his breathing was accompanied by an intense, dull pain.
Peter didn't dare to see Finn.
On one hand, he didn't know how to face Finn.
He knew Spider-Man had been Finn's idol for a long time, but he didn't dare to think about what he had been like in the memories of eight-year-old Felix—
Was it that retreating silhouette?
Was it that after countless SOS Signals, all that remained was the deepest despair?
On the other hand, Peter had no way to control his emotions at all.
His emotions were in a state that seemed ready to collapse at any moment. He couldn't stop himself from digging through all the files regarding the Palman tragedy from two years ago; the deeper he went, the more suffocated he felt. For every line of text he read from those news reports that the media once sensationalized, his tears fell uncontrollably.
Peter could not even look directly at those cute and innocent IP characters in Summerverse anymore.
Those characters that once made him feel warmth and healing were, in his eyes now, nothing more than an unreachable Eden that Finn had personally constructed for his deceased family. Finn had carefully placed all the beauty those children never got to have, the growth they never achieved, the lives they never got to continue, into that fictional world, letting them stay together forever in their most perfect forms on that carefree dream island.
But the more beautiful they were, the more cruel they became.
Those bright and lovely images, every single one of them was silently reminding Peter—
In reality, those young, innocent, pitiful ones had already died惨ly under cold gun barrels long ago, without even the chance to grow up.
The moment he saw those images, he would immediately think of children lying in pools of blood.
Thinking of the helpless Felix at eight years old.
Thinking about his own useless realization, which had come a full two years too late.
What's even more desperate is that everyone on the internet was discussing The Missing Felix. Everyone was blessing the brave little hero who had escaped from hell two years ago, believing that the ten-year-old him must be living well somewhere in the world today, possessing a bright and glorious future.
But only Peter knew the truth was not like that.
Felix is missing, but he didn't escape at all; he's just.. hasn't been found yet.
Peter dug out his cherished Love Contract between him and Finn, discovered something he hadn't noticed before.
Long before signing the [One Month Term] contract, Finn had not only signed as [Finn Osborn], but had also drawn a little [Sleepless Summer] figure next to the signature. At that time, Peter thought Finn had just doodled a chibi version of him, only realizing now that, in that moment, Finn was solemnly signing the contract using both of his identities.
He is Finn, he is also Felix.
He gave his entire self to this contract.
And then, Peter uncontrollably remembered when he used to carry Finn on his back while weaving through the high altitude—
The wind swept past the buildings, the webs swayed gently in the night. Finn's weight was on his back, not heavy, yet it made his heart feel full.
He had also once clearly heard Finn softly reciting a little poem in his heart:
Do not weep at my grave, for I am not there, nor am I at rest.
[I am one of the myriad winds that blow through the mortal world, I am the diamond light shimmering upon the snow.]
I am the warm sun over the ripe valleys, I am the gentle autumn rain.
【When you wake in the silence of the early morning, I am the birds circling, that light, upward flight.】
At that time, he only felt that this little poem was gentle and lonely.
Looking back now, every single line is like a blunt knife, slowly cutting through everything he thought he understood.
The more he remembered, the more Peter's emotions sank uncontrollably into an inescapable low.
He felt as if he had understood everything far too late, having missed out on so much.
Between him and Finn, there always seemed to be a difference in frequency.
Just like many others, Peter arrived at the cemetery holding flowers.
Ella, Ellison, Jessie's tombstones are here, as well as that of the woman who adopted them, Eleanor—that poor woman, a mother who was cruelly ravaged and tightly manipulated by Palman's mental means her entire life, living in endless fear and endurance. In the police investigation, until the moment she collapsed in a pool of blood, this woman was still using her frail body to desperately protect her children.
The gravestones here were also erected by the Wilsons.
Because this tragic incident has now been reopened and exposed to the public, more people have spontaneously come here to offer flowers to them.
Clusters of flowers surrounded them, ensuring they would never be separated again.
Only Felix was not here.
Peter slowly knelt down and set the flowers aside, his gaze suddenly falling upon a brand-new painting next to the bouquet. It had been painted by someone with great care, depicting several characters from Summer Neverland in a warm family portrait, everyone smiling happily.
There was also a message left on the drawing paper that made Peter's heart ache:
—【I believe that you will definitely become angels.】
——【Please do not forget, you still have a family member left in this world.】
——【Please, make sure to bless Felix.】
The moment his gaze fell upon the last line of text, Peter could no longer hold back the emotions he had suppressed for so long; his shoulders shook violently as he broke into uncontrollable sobs before the tombstone.
——Finn is Felix, but Finn is not the ten-year-old Felix.
Peter thought of that little poem once again: "Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep."
—Then where on earth are you?
This question filled Peter with such fear, yet he could not stop his own thoughts.